Friday, December 3, 2010

Under Where?

I wake up to a typical morning.

I roll out of bed, scratch my ass, and eat a bowl of my roommate's breakfast cereal. I do a few push-ups and sit-ups because I tell myself that it will wake me up even though it never does. I reluctantly take off my comfortable sweat pants (the ones that are one size too big and hang over my ass) and exchange them for a fresh pair of jeans straight-off-the-hanger.

I go to my medieval literature class for some super-mature discussion about knights humping things, stop by the bank to withdraw money and totally not flirt with the teller, and then stop home for a few hours of eating and homework before my next class.

It's such a bland day. Look at me, being all normal and shit. This day is awesome. I'm being a productive member of society. I'm educating myself, and in the evening I'll go to my job, which pays taxes and everything. You wouldn't even know that at this time two years ago I was dating a lesbian and popping Vicodins like breath mints.

Then I go to Czech class. It's towards the end of class, and I'm fumbling through words like I normally do, nervously tapping my foot as I do so.

And I feel something sliding under my heel. I rub my heel on the ground, trying to figure out the texture, but I can't discern what has put itself under my foot. So I look down.

There is a pair of my underwear sneaking out of the leg of my jeans, caught under my heel.


How did it get there? How did I not notice this? How did I miss that there was an extra article of clothing attached to myself the entire day?

Some classmates notice, giving me awkward glances and nervous smiles as I clumsily snatch the clothing and toss it in my bag.

And since I know you're all curious, it was a pair of blue, plaid boxers. I know I'm not supposed to be wearing boxers anymore, but I still do. Besides, it's not like there's much of a chance of somebody taking my pants off and seeing them anyway, so fuck it.

Now I'm wondering what else could be attached to me, what else could be inside of me that I'm completely unaware of. What embarrassing attributes have gone unnoticed by me but not by others? What aspects of myself have I left unattended?

I can't come up with a way of forcing the answers to the surface.

So I guess I'll just keep going about my everyday life, waiting for them to present themselves at the most inopportune moment possible.

1 comment:

  1. Hahaha! I have had that happen to me. I also catch myself being "normal" and it makes me giggle.