Social Media is Destroying my Life: Twitter and Friendship

Social media is going to be the end of my social life.

I have a friend. She's attractive and funny and always the first to raise her glass in a toast. She's a little insane, but that's okay, I enjoy the craziness, and for the most part her feet are planted firmly on the solid grounds of reality. What I'm trying to say is, she's a cool chick.

I cherish my time spent with her. We share lazy days, trips to the mall, and late nights composed of poor decisions.

The problem comes when we're apart. We separate from whatever our most recent adventure was, exchanging hugs and good wishes before returning to the usual monotony of our everyday lives.

I'll log into twitter... and it happens. 

JustinsFriend23: stuck in traffic... UGH.

What is that disgusting noise you just made through text? And are you tweeting while driving? Put your phone away girl! That's dangerous! You can bitch about traffic next time we meet for drinks. We're still on for happy hour later this week, right?

JustinsFriend23: who do you think you are, running round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts, and tearing love apart...

Oh... lyrics to that insanely depressing Christina Perri song. Do we need to have drinks sooner? Should we cancel drinks and schedule you an appointment with a therapist?

JustinsFriend23:

Lunchtime!

No matter how appetizing your food looks in front of you, the flavor never translates well through photography. But this reminds me, we should get appetizers when we hit up happy hour this week!

JustinsFriend23: Ugggghhhh my boss just gave me a project that I don't want to do! Ugh!

That sound again? Twice? Friend, I understand that you're frustrated with work, and if you'd have complained to me in person (we're still on for happy hour later this week, right?) I'd be completely sympathetic, but when you post something like this online you come off as a whiny twat who doesn't give a fuck about her job. But you're not like that! You're my friend! You're a positive, vibrant person, someone I can share secrets with over happy hour.

JustinsFriend23: UGGGHH this girl in line in front of me at the store is taking FOREVER. What a bitch. #pissed

You know what, friend? Maybe YOU'RE the... never mind.

By the way, I just remembered, I can't get together for happy hour later this week. I already made plans with @JustinsOtherFriend23. We're going to the bar to complain about life. We'll be the self-centered assholes that the bartender's tweeting about.